A day in space ball boy9/21/2023 The white people were the veterans - the current ball humans who were going to explain the drills and then grade us. Because I’d at least get a head start on understanding the drills, which meant having an upper hand on anyone showing up in the afternoon for their first ball-person tryouts.ġ2 p.m.: Those participating in this East Coast Liberal Media Elite farce were split into two, those in blue Polo Ralph Lauren shirts and those in white Polo Ralph Lauren shirts. This morning, just a faux–ego stroke.īut I knew participating would be wise. But instead, you’re onstage, alone, with onlookers, under the lights, televised, for millions to see. But what about when the shower is off? And you’re not naked anymore. Which is an absurd premise.Īs they say, anyone can sing in the shower. You would go through the same drills and have the same evaluators, and at the end you’d be told if your performance would have earned you a spot. This was the “my website needs content” portion of the day, in which members of the media came with their video crews and filmed one of their coworkers going through a simulation of the actual tryouts, set to happen later in the day. And like a pajama-rich Roger Federer (black shirt, black socks, five different brands visible, no smiles), I walked out the door.ġ1:30 a.m.: This first part of the day of tryouts wasn’t real, but it was incredibly important. Because it’s not sport specific, it’s a way of life. Someone that has already won before the game even starts, because they look that good at sports. If you think “hooper” is a term limited to basketball, you’re probably not a hooper. Upon narrowing the field to “kind of looks clean” and “nah,” it was time to transform into a hooper. What to wear?įirst step: Find clothes that look clean. And now finally out of bed, the first - and maybe most important - decision of the day had to take place. Open ball person (and yes, the correct term is “ball person,” not “ball boy,” get with the times). I’d taken advantage of this uncommon opportunity to sleep in, and now I was only an hour from my second home, a tennis court, set to try out to be a U.S. So I go back to sleep.ġ0:30 a.m.: After snoozing more than 10 times, I wake up. At that point, I remembered there’s no joy in chasing a goal, only in fleeing danger. It’s rare due to the fact that I don’t like running for sport, unless I’m running away from something. The night: Dave Chappelle, Radio City Music Hall, Manhattan.ħ:30 a.m.: The alarm rings, because I set it for 7:30 a.m., because I was going to start my day with a very rare run. Open Ballperson Tryouts, Billie Jean King National Tennis Center, Queens. And like both of those events, I had no real idea what I was getting myself into, was excited about the prospect of what the day would bring, and fully realized that so much could go wrong. I hadn’t had a day lined up like this since going to a Maury Povich taping and a Lil B concert on the same Thursday of January 2011.
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